Don’t you think it’s about time we obsessed over ourselves already?!
In all of the time that you’ve spent looking for the “perfect” person, have you ever considered that perfect is overrated? And, during that search, did you ever think that maybe we don’t have to try so hard to be loveable to someone else and instead realize how much there was to love by just being ourselves? It’s time we stopped putting our own self-love on the backburner.
We’re so focused on building the right business relationships, on finding a life partner, and on tightening our friendships that we forget about the relationship that matters the most--the one we have with ourselves.
How Often Do We Prioritize Ourselves Last?!
In a list of priorities, we often put ourselves on the bottom--and it isn’t our fault. We’ve been trained from societal expectations, movies, and other influences that have shaped us from birth. So, now here we are, incredibly loveable human beings who are not getting the love we deserve.
Yet here’s the missing piece: love doesn’t need to come from another person. That validation doesn’t need to stem from someone else.
And that brilliant spark of worthiness?
It can actually come from within us. Of course, that same spark takes time to develop, that love takes time to cultivate, and it all starts by validating the importance of not just getting comfortable with ourselves but embracing a relationship with ourselves. How? By learning to date ourselves. Yep, you heard me. Intrigued already? I thought you would be.
Do you want to experience the best date of your life?
Follow this advice, and you’re in for a Nicholas Sparks level romance (the self-love edition). So go ahead and block off your calendar. This creative date is all about you (and it starts by exploring all five senses).
If, at some point throughout the date, your mind starts to wander and you find yourself getting lonely, remember: if you can love yourself this hard, then somewhere out there will love you even harder. So let yourself be fully present and enjoy your own company--you deserve it!
Set the mood through scent. Aromatherapy has been used for years as an aphrodisiac. You can start slowly by lighting candles, perhaps vanilla or rose. The next level would truly make it sultry by adding a little bit of smoke and lighting incense, perhaps patchouli or sandalwood. Go even further by using essential oils, like jasmine, and give yourself a little bit a hand or foot massage (when diluted properly, jasmine can be a wonderful stress-reliever and sensual scent).
Have you ever tried eye-gazing? If you haven’t, you’re going to love this. If you have, you’re going to love the spin on this. Put on your slinkiest nightie or anything that makes you feel comfortable AND sexy. Then go stand in front of a mirror and stand confidently in a power pose. Look at yourself in the eyes, smile, and truly see yourself. Give yourself a moment to scan your body from head to toes. Then, stare into your own eyes for at least thirty seconds. Want to take it up a notch? Ditch the nightie and do the same exercise naked--making yourself a bare canvas and painting it with self-love.
Throw yourself a dance party. Blast your favorite music, whether it’s the latest from Taylor Swift or your 90’s throwback playlist. Then literally dance like no one is watching. Feel the joy of moving and exploring how your curves pair with the beat of the music. Maybe you even close your eyes and really dive into it. If you’re looking for a workout and some sass then, consider starting your date night with a booty-poppin’ workout like the ones you can do with 305 Fitness. Whichever choice you make, allow yourself to get out of your head and into the present moment. As Taylor Swift said, shake it off!
Now that you’ve worked up a sweat, it’s time to treat yourself. Make a decadent dinner for yourself--the kind you always see on Instagram or Pinterest but don’t think you have the time for it. Make the time now and INDULGE. And don’t just make dinner--make dessert. Have some chocolate covered strawberries prepped in your fridge or soften your Halo Top and throw some sprinkles on just for the hell of it. And whatever you choose to eat, taste it mindfully. Go slowly and let your taste buds tell a story. Forget calories, guilt, or whatever else, give into the tastes that you too often deny yourself.
Ah, yes, finally, the climax! There’s one final touch to your epic date night, and that’s pleasure. Whether you choose to pair this with a fun toy or not, is totally up to you. But do choose to take your time and connect with your deepest desires. Let yourself explore and consider all of the other elements as foreplay to arrive at this moment. Feel what it means for you to come alive and what truly makes you come up on your highest high. This is your final chance to prove to yourself that you deserve a second date.
And after this night? I guarantee you’ll want to see yourself again.
Sonya Matejko is a writer, yoga teacher, and communications consultant living in New York City. She’s on a mission to help people express and empower themselves mentally, physically, and spiritually. By embracing vulnerability, Sonya hopes to move people toward their highest potential. Her writing has been featured on HuffPost, Elite Daily, Thought Catalog, I AM & CO, Mogul, and Yoga Magazine. In 2018, she also founded @aforceofnurture on Instagram as a dedicated home for inspiration and self-expression.